Rumminating.k thnx bye

Forgetting everything. Every little thing I could remember. I thought about it to myself as I sit here writing this blog. What's there to remember. Sure I had a couple of experiences that I did, to myself, over the past few months I was moving around from Condo to condo. Living with people I know is not hard, nor easy. I try my best to make the best out of working, living a dream in my head that I would like to live-Writing-while just minding my own business and not doing a damn thing about anyone lives. I'm not like that by the way, I don't want to mess with anyone nor would I want them to mess with me. I'm usually the quiet type, strong and very pissed at times. If you try to offend me with some type of remark, I won't go off-but I'll let my quiet rage edge to the top and forget you were alive-By ignoring you to death. Maybe even giving you the death stare while I'm at it. That's normally what I do. I wouldn't want to bore you with anything I'm afraid won't do a goddamn thing to change you.

It's like those dialogs in dramatic movies, everyone comes together for one last punch at the grain; A man fights against his cancer, a woman runs away from jilted ex lover, me-I'm running away from stupid experiences from a past behind me so long ago, I should bury it in the sand at La Jolla. I sort of seeth in past lives. I was once a big shot in my head, now I'm nothing but a hard working-albeit sort of slow guy.

Twiddling my thumbs while the world Burns.

I'm not doing much lately, in the stages of Life Change. I'm here in my room, sitting down near my keyboard, just looking at words come together on my screen. WTF! I thought about things to say earlier in the week, when I wasn't thinking about writing a blog entry every day. I would sit down-always at my computer-looking at porn or watching some funny shit on youtube. That or either reading Social networking sites, Digg and Reddit at the same time. I haven't thought of anything to do at all.

I notice that when I do think of something, there always another great and better idea to think about.

I got a new job already, I'm working at Jack in the box. The same job I was at, when My other company laid me off and I had to search for another job; I was-am-desperate. I need something to do other than just looking up people I knew on that Ghost town "Myspace". I've done nothing much in terms of just sit near my computer desk, jerking off and listening to NIN. I am disturbed.

But I do think there something I could, something in the works.

I'm optimistic and hopeful.

DSM IV - END OF THE WORLD MOODS.

I've been doing some movement. Though I bet if I can move more, I'll probably sweat out a lot more. Although I don't know much about what exercise to begin with, I feel like I'm not doing much at all. I try my best to get up from the computer, use one of my exercise apps on my Itouch and just start exercising. It's hard sometimes, because I have a lot of distractions going on, and I'd like to just get into losing weight because I'm very much obese. I'm so obese, i'm obsessed about losing it all.

I gain it back because I have hypothyroidism. My thyroid, in my neck, is not helping me at all-because it's not there. It's been taken out of me, ever since I had the surgury in 2006.

Feeling bad about it at times, I think, I should of been more careful taking care of myself instead of imagining my world coming down on me.

I've had END OF THE WORLD moods since I left the High Desert. I've been thinking about when I will die, or when the world will die though its just shock and awe to me-because I can go any second and would miss seeing something spectacular happen; Even though, I wouldn't want to participate in it. I'm not a religious guy, I'm Agnostic and headed toward Atheisim. It's all towards the lack of faith I had. I don't know god, I thought I did know him/her/it although No one knows anything about god. Im not a pawn in a fucking game, like spore, where I should be messed around with. I'm a human being.

I'm a mind, that needs to be free.

Those Moods sometimes give me chills, I don't care if the world will end. All I want is my experiences in life. Till I turn my side in bed, because of any sort of reason, where I have to go. Like extremely old age, bad health or anything like that, I'll know it was time to go.

And I'm not going to judge it, or say NO! it's was good knowing this.

It's almost time for me to get ready to go to work. I'm positive right now, because I know-Not right now, nor never will I bring up that kind of mood again.

Later.

Action Notes for Dummies, Plus Workers Grief

I'm listening to NIN's Yero Zero Album. And I'm thinking, this stuff is awesome. So real, and shit-it's like imagining a movie complimenting this album. I'd like to see that movie one day, but listening to this album gets me pumped.

I'm starting a new job today, though Its not actually a new job. I just went back to my old job I left and asked to come back. It feels awkward trying to say hello to everyone there when they knew, I wasn't the most spectacular employee around. I always took fried finger foods from the fryer station I was working at, when ever I went on break. Its sort of hard to try to forget the stupid things in past jobs. Now, I don't care if they bring it up again. But this time, I'll try to stay away from the fried stuff and the burger. I usually never ask to bring a burger home, because it's more of a hassle to get a cleared free furger to take home. And I don't want to bother managers so I can make my own burger-Ugh.

Anyway, I forgot to add. I'm working at JITB, if you can contain your laughs. I tried applying everywhere else, its mostly hit or miss these days with jobs.

Well, I wrote some notes a couple days back. I want to share it on this blog but I'm sort of afraid, there will be note takers copying what I wrote and using my ideas as their's. Anyway, here are some ideas I'm writing for a story:

Cale, a twenty seven year old ex con parollee. His wrists are scarred from intense cuts. His hands are dried and rough, smelling of gun residue and oil.

Cale has one tattoo on his upper right pec of a chinese symbol, "WATERFALL".

On the back of his head is a barcode tattoo of his birthdate.

Cale suffers a pain in his head. He calls them headaches but they are painful emotions which cause him migranes.

That's kind of it, I trailed off after trying to figure out what this guy "Cale" was about. I based it on a pornstar who is sort of Jason Statham mixed with Matt Damon and one of the guys got pregnant-a first-and made this guy: erik rhodes.