go by quickly because I want the week to end quick. When I work, I get into all sort of moods; I start to playback songs in my head. Songs I hear on my ipod, or on the internet. This happens when I want to think about movies all day long. I could go on with the list of theme I want to see in a movie. Action always comes up first though. I would like to go on a writing rampage, doing the work mostly not done when I want to do it. I'd write a screenplay on an action plot I thought about when I get to work. Though I feel like Im not adequate enough to do something like this. I get afraid that If I leave a comfortable area. I start to tell myself that I can't do anything at all.
I can't be that screenwriter, that artist-who works in creative words, someone who can damn well write. Im not that person.
I'm me. Gabe. This is where I usually draw the line when I stop writing anything at all. I don't think about anything after it. Just stopping any hard work, or anything that comes up that feels hard in my mind and not doing it.
I did this long ago when I was trying to write a long short story and ended up writing about seventeen pages of a novel I wrote that never made it past chapter one. It ended up on a floppy and months laters had dissapeared completely from my room. It wasn't there when I wanted to look for it. But all that work, making up shit. Feeling so empty at times, but when I started I got a roomfull of imaginary people yelling me to deaf about why I shouldn't continue; Fuck you, I got work to do-I would say at times. But now it's like no one is in my head to stop me, my ego was destroy a couple of times but it hasn't stopped me from trying to write about anything at all. I'm down into quarters trying to do whatever is meaning ful in my life. Except write, which I should normally do.
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