Procrastinate.

It's gotten to the point where I don't do much, anymore. I started to look at all the past memories in my head. Where I go to die sometimes, I think. Well, when I start to remember shit-I get very emotional. I don't want to cry. But I want to think of a good time, where I was doing something productive instead of trying to distract my self with jacking off; My dick is very sore. And instead of looking at porn, or playing games on my pc, I would do something else: Like opening up a word processor hitting any key on the damn thing and having a go at it.

I use to do some productive stuff. Now, its just me staring into a flat screen monitor and a nice pc I bought with my hard earned money. Thinking that I would probably do something better with my time, than just look at porn, masturbate, or play games. Just do, that's all.

Today, I feel like I don't know if I should spend on myself. I don't

have a lot of money to do things. I already paid a bill I owed. I don't

have anything I need to pay right now. And it's getting to the point where

I stay in my chair and imaginate that I can write a good screenplay; Give

good direction and look out to my imaginary actor (whose this ex-pornstar) and

tell him to let go of his insecurities (Fuck it) play with how you'd talk-I'd tell him

and do the scene as if you're getting fucked literally.

That's how part of my day goes along. If I can't think of anything at all, Literally I play a scene in my head that needs to go at full speed before I realized it's fucking stupid and I should get up, wash my hands of dry cum and get to work.